There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Someone came in the potted fern
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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