Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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