I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize