I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Randomize
