My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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