you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
