Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
The struggles of a small town man whore
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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