I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
