the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
