if i can run in heels then i can drive
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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