So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
