Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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