I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize