There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Randomize
