you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
