I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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