I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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