Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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