he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
