I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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