She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
