If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
