Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Randomize
