Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
