ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
