her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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