he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
