I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
