just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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