Will you blow on my dice?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize