sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
