3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
She announced her abortion via fbk
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize