considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
