So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
