Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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