If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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