So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
