All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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