I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
