You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
