I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Randomize
