i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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