A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
