what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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