Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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