just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
