she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
