sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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