Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
