Just fell off a train. Bad.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
