you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
