I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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