Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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