I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
