is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
