The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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