I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
