You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
