you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
