there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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