you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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