I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
