Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
