I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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