he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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