wrigley field is MILF paradise
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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