I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
