I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
