you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
