Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Randomize
