whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
