Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Randomize