omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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