??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
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