Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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