im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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