lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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