You smell like stripper and shame
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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