i just sent this text using only my big toe
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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