You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Someone came in the potted fern
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
