she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
