bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
