Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
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