I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
