wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
